Submitted by Tammy Brown of Aqua Vita Therapy
A number of childhood problems are particularly worrisome to parents. Lying, stealing, anger or aggression, refusal to follow family rules, withdrawal, and depression are just a few of them. In addition, parents may be troubled because they do not feel a sense of connection with their child even at a very early age, or they secretly find their child unusually frustrating or even unlikable. A common feature of parent-child relationships that underlies or runs parallel to many of these troublesome problems is an insecure attachment. Because children’s early attachment relationships govern other relationships throughout life, early intervention is a key to reducing the long-term effects of attachment difficulties.
What Should I Know About Attachment Relationships?
Attachment is a biologically based strategy that provides emotional and physical protection for children. Even before birth, a foundation is laid for the bond between a mother and her infant. Attachment relationships begin developing at birth and are generally fully established by eighteen months of age. Infant behaviors such as crying when separated from the parent, seeking proximity to the parent, using the parent as a secure base, and joyfully greeting the parent after separation are attachment-based. Secure attachment results when parents respond sensitively to their children’s cues and responses. Research has indicated that school-age children who are securely attached are more cooperative with their parents, more inclined to competently explore the environment, and more likely to get along with their peers.
Unfortunately, as many as 30% of children develop insecure attachment relationships with their parents. Insecure attachment may take the form of avoidant, distant behavior or anxious clinging behavior. When children have insecure attachments with their parents, any number of negative consequences can follow, such as depression, anxiety, a lowered ability to cope with stress, and poor relationships with others. A disruption in the development of secure attachment could occur due to parental illness, parental unavailability because of other life commitments, or the serious illness of the child. Children who move from foster home to foster home or spend the early years of their lives in orphanages can experience long-term attachment difficulties. In addition, children sometimes have inborn temperaments or disabilities that can impede the attachment process. Finally, children who are abused or neglected or otherwise traumatized will often show signs of impaired attachment.
When Should I Seek Help?
The following are signs of distress that should not be ignored:
When your child:
- Is exceptionally clingy to you most of the time, to the point of distress, and there are no other circumstances to explain the clinginess.
- Seems more affectionate with strangers than with family members.
- Is frequently distant and doesn’t accept help from you.
- Defiantly opposes your efforts to set limits more often than not.
- Lies or steals despite your interventions and beyond the normal testing of children.
- Is constantly manipulative, beyond the normal range for children.
- Displays anger that does not seem normal.
- Is hurtful to animals or threatening to other children or adults.
- Has difficulty regulating strong emotions.
- When you feel disconnected from your child for long periods of time.
Parents should also consider treatment for a child who is affected by autism and other pervasive developmental disorders such Asperger’s Syndrome; for a child who experiences attentional difficulties like Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD); as well as for a foster or adoptive child who is having difficulty forming relationships. In all of these childhood problems, children have difficulties interacting with other people, and attachment therapies can effectively address and treat these problems.
If you feel as if you or someone you know could benefit from working with a therapist contact Tammy Brown at Aqua Vita Therapy 360-977-6624 or tbaquavita@gmail.com.
