Submitted by Navigating Grief
Can we talk? About death, life, the little things, the emptiness. About the gratitude, the joy, the reminders, the symbols. About the vast changes in daily life after (or even while) a loved one dies. Oh my, this sounds dismal! Maybe this is why no one wants to talk about death! Yet, humans are curious. People have gathered for ages to talk and share about life and death – thus, the memorial service. But soon after, friends, and even family, seemingly drift back into find their own normal lives to leave you in silence.
The time after the memorial is forever, but grief does not have to be. One of the quickest ways through is to walk with others. Telling stories. Dissecting the changes. Feeling the loss. Making sense of the unthinkable. Stepping into hope and happiness again. These are the processes of grief. Grieving, mourning and sharing are all necessary to find your way into a healthy state of being your own best person today. “Grief shared is grief abated“ notes the renowned Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler in On Grief and Grieving. Renewed life follows grief.
Pain and sorrow is the way of telling us we have loved and been loved. Gratitude and comforting memories remind us that we are better for having experienced life together, no matter how briefly or lasting. The distance between the two points is the journey of healing.
Keep in mind that the desire to acknowledge and the need to assimilate your loss will not magically end after the memorial service. One month, six months, one year is not a prescription of time when it comes to grief. Time is not the target; the target is to do something about the impact of loss. Because your life is changed, there are consequences, but they don’t all have to be seen as negative. However, if left to its own, grief can take a toll. You can read more about the Real Cost of Grief here.
Your “something” – your personal journey – is circumstantial. What works for you is likely to differ than for other family members or someone’s best friend’s aunt. (You know, that advice you were given last week by a well meaning person!) But doing “nothing” means getting stuck, sometimes for months and years.
Grief is not the forever part of loss when you understand that not only does the other side exist, but you can find your way there when you seek it out. It’s the giant step after the
memorial service. Being in the company of the right guide or people can help you along your way more easily and quickly, without betrayal to your memories.
Whether your memorial service was last week, last year or never happened, you can begin to “do something “ today by reading Five Simple and Powerful Steps You Can Do to Navigate Grief. Make it personal; choose your own path to heal.
To learn more about Navigating Grief for specific ideas or programs to what you can do about your grief at the Discover-Create-Share Center, contact Joan Hitchens at 360-534-0203.
