The elephant in the room these days is anxiety. Everyone is touched by it, yet many do their best to ignore and stuff it away. Cary Hamilton, owner and therapist of Olympia Therapy, is seeing an unprecedented increase in the demand for therapists. “School-aged children have experienced the world shutting down, turmoil in politics, and feel their lack of control. They are overwhelmed with ‘hopeless helplessness.’ Anxiety is real,” confirms Cary.
Olympia Therapy: Understanding How We Got to Uber Anxiety
When adults are unwilling or unable to deal with their own anxieties, they teach their children no effective coping skills. Add that to the collective trauma of our society within our bodies that remembers the onset of Covid shutdowns in March 2020, which is magnified this time of year. The national and world news is troubling. “It is hard to tell what the truth is. It is not possible to predict what is next,” Cary says. Additionally, as the school year comes to a close, there are new worries. Will I get to see my friends? Does my family have enough money for a vacation? Do I have to get a job? Normal schedules are disrupted.
Our anxiety is not imagined. Families face tough financial times. Parents attempt to hold everything together. Some children react with hyper vigilance. This leads to nervous exhaustion. Others disengage and are lethargic. “Our containers are full, and no one is immune,” notes Cary.
Some youths are adrift in doing nothing. Others use a coping mechanism that believes if you do everything right, life will be okay. Perfectionism is equally exhausting. Sadly, it does not prevent anxiety. Parent may feel stuck.
When emotions run high and unchecked, and mental health is ignored, parents tend to yell and threaten their children. “Now there is more domestic violence, which includes verbal and psychological violence. Parents may say, ‘I’m trying to teach them consequences.’ Violence is not helpful. It’s time to take a breath and consider other options,” shares Cary.
Cary Hamilton Says, ‘Step up to Personal Responsibility’
Stress increases reactivity. It takes skill to learn to respond instead of to react. Responding eliminates yelling, hitting and threatening. If you are the adult in the room, are you ready and willing to listen and get more information? Find out the fuller story. Your child is distressed about a project, homework or due dates? It’s easy to blame the teacher. Listen for what else is going on. However, there is hope.
Parents, when your child is distressed, let them be distressed. You can sit with them through difficult times. You want them to know that they are safe with you, regardless of what they say or do. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, these are big emotions. “They are like clouds. They will pass,” shares Cary. Take deep breaths and try again. Children must build stress tolerance to learn to deal with it.
One of the hardest things for parents is to be quiet and listen. Everything is not okay – and that’s all right. Adults want to provide answers and solutions. Children want their feelings validated. They want to be heard and seen. As parents, it does not help to tell your children that you had it worse or make comparisons to the past. “That does not help anyone,” says Cary.
Are You Getting Your ADL’s? Activities of Daily Living
Yes, doing normal activities everyday lessons anxiety. Eating real food three times a day, getting eight hours of sleep, drinking some water, and walking outside are all helpful. “Most people are failing in two or three of these,” reports Cary. Some parents don’t know if their child is showering regularly or if they are eating anything other than highly processed food.
It is very difficult to keep moving through a day when these basic needs are ignored or forgotten. It leads to behavior of lethargy and general malaise. Be proactive in having food easily available, and model behavior yourself, like having a glass of water or going out for a walk.
Actions Ideas for Anxiety Relief
Find creative ways to physically discharge the energy. “Our family threw rocks into the bay,” reports Cary. Let your little ones can put chalk to the sidewalk or crayons to paper. They can draw big images for big feelings. “We need the visuals (i.e., throwing a rock) to discharge with purpose.” Visit a local arcade to throw axes or play energetic games. Be loud appropriately.
15 minutes a Day Makes a Huge Difference
After your energetic activity, make time to cuddle and be close together. “It’s how we can reconnect. Hugging gets the oxytocin flowing. So can holding hands and petting your animals. Rewatch a moving or reread a favorite book. Your brain already knows what is going to happen, so it relaxes. It’s not a waste of time. It’s calming to your nervous system.
Other ‘feel good’ hormones are dopamine, serotonin and endorphin. Enjoyable self-care and healthy eating increase dopamine. Serotonin is augmented by being in nature and moving your body. When you laugh and exercise, it can up your endorphins.
The collective anxiety in our community is not going to magically disappear. However, as parents and caring adults, we can affect a cortisol lowering environment for the benefit of those nearby. Individually, we can pay attention to our daily activities and make a priority for sleeping and relaxing. We can choose to lay down our devices at times to mindfully connect with others. For support and more information, visit the Olympia Therapy website.
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