Making the transition from summer vacation into the new school year is tough. “Kids ought to know how to do this,” parents think, but Cary Hamilton, owner and therapist of Olympia Therapy, wants parents to understand that this time of year brings up stresses for everyone. That means for both parents and children. How can parents be most helpful?
COVID-Era Babies Enter Kindergarten
This school year will be the first for many kindergarteners. These youngsters were born during the COVID shutdown, and their earliest years included fewer faces, fewer interactions with people, and less coming and going. They didn’t have as many play dates or trips to the store. Entering and being part of a classroom of peers will be an intensive set of new experiences.
Children who are used to parents working at home, being the center of attention and accustomed lower levels of stimulation may need lots of time to adjust. These youngsters are gaining new social/emotional skills. In the meantime, their frustration and anxiety may show itself as undesirable behavioral like tantrums, yelling, biting, hitting or crying.
Teachers are expecting this. Parents may not. This year will be different than when their older children entered kindergarten. Olympia Therapy reminds parents that it is okay. Times are different. We are still discovering that impact that COVID isolation played for these children did not learn the usual limits and boundaries. “Expectations can be hard for them,” coaches Cary.
Responding vs Reacting: Skills for Parents to Practice
When their young brains are overwhelmed, the youth are reactive. They may need time and space to calm down. They are learning to regulate themselves. As a parent, you have the opportunity (often many times a day) to be a role model for responding rather than reacting. Rather than scolding angrily about the backpack left on the counter, a parent can offer a reminder (early on) and then later, let the backpack remain where it sat, and let the child learn the consequences of forgetting.
Middle School and High Schoolers Have Stress, Too
Moving up to middle school or high school is another big transition. Olympia Therapy encourages parent to normalize the anxiety about this. You can talk about it. You can acknowledge, “Yes, it’s a new school. Yes, it will be different than last year.” “Sometimes parents are dismissive and just want their children to grow up,” says Cary. “The parents need more patience.”
At other times parents tire of their child’s anxieties and get angry at the administration or the teacher and want special accommodations for their children. They want their child to be excused for not turning in work or finishing an assignment. Just because your child complains (and they will), Cary suggests, “This does not mean you need to take action with the school.” Instead, you can help your children through it. We all need to learn that we are not going to like everything we have to do, and we still need to do it. “Communicating in high school is very important,” she adds. Life skills are a core of the learning at high school.
“Teachers want to problem solve. Coach kids to meet with the teacher,” says Cary. This is part of learning. Developing these types of soft skills helps navigate the world’s landscape.
Schools are limiting the use of phones during the school day. When students have more time to be face-to-face, to talk, to tell jokes and literally see each other, stress is reduced and joy increases. Studies show that when kids are not worried about being filmed by others, they can interact and have fun spontaneously.
Starting the Day – Begin with Breath – Advice from Olympia Therapy
It’s easy to get caught up in the rush of getting out the door each morning. Is everyone washed, dressed, fed? Does everyone have homework, bookbags, lunch and after-school necessities? Where’s the phone? In those tight minutes before leaving, emotions and anxiety arise. Parents and kids get reactive rather than responsive. That looks like yelling, curt answers, demands and unhappiness. “When we model reactivity, our kids do it too,” explains Cary. They respond in kind.
Taking the time the night before to get yourself ready for the next day is helpful. Your children may be able to do this for themselves and they may need assistance until it becomes part of the routine. That doesn’t mean you do it all for them. It may means doing it alongside them, because they may not remember. It’s always good to take a deep inhale and exhale before speaking.
Routine and Resilience Create More Peace
Olympia Therapy understands that parenting is hard. We live in a rapidly changing and uncertain world. Admitting our own fears, practicing regular self-care and learning to respond before we react goes a long walk towards raising healthy children. Parents are there to provide security and boundaries.
You can find information about ages and stages on the Olympia Therapy website. More help for the teenaged years will be dropping this fall.
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