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For those who suffer from anxiety or depression, the holidays have always been a stressful time. Now, amid the restrictions caused by COVID-19, normally joyful events like Halloween and Thanksgiving are tough for everyone to navigate, especially families with children. “The challenge is that everyone is focusing on what the holiday isn’t,” says Olympia Therapy owner Cary Hamilton. “We want to focus on how we can be creative and do things differently during this time.”

Start planning well in advance to help your kids enjoy the holidays and mitigate any feelings of sadness or anger they may experience, Cary Hamilton advises. Photo courtesy: Olympia Therapy

Pretending that everything is fine is not the answer. Instead, Hamilton suggests ways for parents to help their kids cope while minimizing their own stress around the holidays.

Manage expectations. Already, parents and teachers are learning that in these uncertain times, they should expect approximately half of the level of productivity from students and themselves as they would under normal circumstances. Holidays only exacerbate the situation. “With the holidays, we have all these preconceived notions and when those aren’t met, we can foresee a big spike in anger, anxiety, agitation and irritability,” Hamilton explains. “Everyone needs to bring those expectations down by half and be mindful of framing the situation positively instead of looking at what has been taken away.”

Plan Early. Whether we are aware of it or not, most of us have been in a state of heightened emotional arousal during the pandemic, one that interferes with our ability to plan. That’s detrimental when it comes to preparing for the holidays, says Hamilton, because before you know it, they’re here. “Think about it now,” she advises. “We have to be a bit more mindful about planning for our kids’ sake so that the time will go well because they’re the ones who are going to cause the most destruction during events if they’re upset and angry.”

Imaginative play helps kids reduce stress and express creativity, a good idea at any time of the year. Photo courtesy: Olympia Therapy

Be mindful of the example you set. As always, children are paying attention and will pick up our attitudes and emotions. “It’s about being conscious that children are watching and listening to everything that we do,” says Hamilton, “even if it’s just in our tone. They’re absorbing what this time means.”

Validate their experience. As a parent, it’s normal to want to make things better for children when they’re feeling sad or upset. A more difficult but effective approach is to listen and acknowledge their feelings without attempting to dismiss, dissuade or distract them, according to Hamilton. She cites an experience with her own children when they visited the Olympia Farmers Market recently for the first time all year. “They said, ‘I’ve really missed this,’” she relates. “And I said, ‘You’re right. This is one of the things that we’ve missed all summer and it’s been really hard. Hopefully, things will change soon for the better.’”

Involving kids in the holiday planning process makes it more likely that they’ll buy into whatever you come up with as a family. Photo courtesy: Olympia Therapy

Involve kids in the planning. One of the biggest challenges for kids of all ages right now (and adults, for that matter) is having little control over their day-to-day lives. As Hamilton points out, when it comes to school, the most control many students have is the ability to turn on and off their Zoom screens. Getting them involved in the holiday planning restores a bit of autonomy and increases the likelihood that they’ll buy into the modified plan.

“They may ask, ‘How are we going to do Halloween?’” says Hamilton. “You can say, ‘That’s a really good question and I don’t have all the answers yet, but let’s sit down and talk about it. How do you think we should do Halloween this year as a family?’” Kids can be involved in discussions of what the most important aspects of the holiday are for them and how to make sure those are included in some form.

Emphasize meaning. At heart, every holiday has a core value that is often drowned out in a sea of commercialism. By refocusing on that initial purpose, families can forge stronger connections with each other and redefine what the event means for them. “With Thanksgiving, we can emphasize what we’re grateful for,” says Hamilton. “We can think about ways to be with our families that may not include being with them in person. If grandma and grandpa can’t attend, have them be on Zoom screens at the dinner table so they can still be part of it.”

Creating new traditions during the holidays like this Thanksgiving ‘gratitude wall’ helps children stay focus on the positive rather than what they’re missing. Photo courtesy: Olympia Therapy

Create new traditions. COVID-19 is providing an excellent opportunity for families to come up with new and creative ways to celebrate holidays and each other. Allow kids to get come up with ideas, Hamilton advises, and involve them in ways that you might not normally consider.

“Usually everyone stays out of the kitchen on Thanksgiving because we don’t want to get in the way of whoever is doing the cooking,” she says. “Have kids be part of that process. Give them some of the tasks that allow for that dinner still to happen. Ask yourself, how can they learn to make the dishes or otherwise be part of things?”

Whatever you do for the holidays as a family, the sooner you can begin the planning process and include children in it, the smoother things will go.

Learn more at the Olympia Therapy website or by calling 360-357-2370.

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