Navigating Grief through the Holidays

olympia grief counselor
Joan Hitchens, long-time Olympia resident and life coach, helps people move forward from grief.
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listening quote navigating griefAs the leaves begin to fall in earnest and the temperatures drop we enter into a season marked by holiday celebrations and gatherings.  For many, this is a joyous season.  But for those who are struggling through the life lived in grief, the impending holidays can loom threatening on the horizon.

People ask, “Are you ready for the holidays?” meaning, are the presents wrapped, the cookies baked?  But when you are navigating the holiday season without someone you love with you for the first or fourth time, this question means something entirely different.

Joan Hitchens of Olympia-based Navigating Grief shares that the holidays present a special challenge for those who have experienced a loss.  “There is an unfolding of loss throughout the season as holidays and traditions are observed throughout the fall and into the New Year,” explains Hitchens.  Gathering to “give thanks” when you feel far from thankful or celebrating with others who embody the holiday word “merry” is difficult when all you feel is the great, giant hole in your life left by the person you have lost.

There are, however, ways to manage the holidays even while working through the grieving process.  First, you must identify if you just want to be alone, or if wrapping others around you like a warm blanket is what you seek.  It’s ok to need space and solace to find your way.  But also accept that being around happy celebrations and cheerful families is ok as well.

Hitchens also encourages you consider to “retire” traditions that underscore the absence of someone who is gone.  If your husband always carved the Christmas Eve Prime Rib, serve lasagna instead. If the gathering place was always at her house, let someone else host, or pick a brand new location. If your traditions bring you comfort, then by all means, keep them! Look at what works for you to maintain health, memories and your energy in each season. She also encourages a focus on self-care.  Taking the time for a massage, a short get-away, or regular exercise can make all the difference in a busy and emotional season.

And above all else, seek support when you need it.  Look for those whom you trust to share your emotions with.  Write in a journal or join a support group.  The challenge of the holidays is a universally difficulty for those dealing with loss and you need not go it alone.

For more ideas on Navigating Grief through the holidays, click here.

 

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